So long blogger...

I've designed (and built!) a new part to my website to house a sort of blog section. So this blog will eventually be dismantled/taken down.

The site is up but not populated yet. In the next few days I'll work on the finishing touches and getting some content up. Eventually, tons of inspiring links and images and whoo-ha await ye at /play!

ps: it's my first time building almost entirely with css (first time completely hand coding a site for that matter), so I'm still working out the kinks. But if you see anything out of whack, let me know.

WWDTM

Herbie Hancock was on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me this week for their section called Not My Job. The jazz musician had to answer questions regarding the biggest business blunders of 2007. He didn't get any of the questions correct but there was this awesome little bit after the quiz... (This isn't an actual transcript, it's just the jist...)

CK: Well, Herbie had to get some [answers] right for Kirstein... but you kind of struck out.
HH: Yeah, I didn't get any.
PS: It's ok. Herbie is a jazz genius. He didn't choose the right answers, he improvised the wrong ones! It's alright, he just bent the facts, a little.
HH: That's right! I have a bigger vision for these questions.

Or maybe it was just funny to me...

*clip* *clip*clip* *clip*

oh dear sweet whatever is holy....
i hate the dude next door in my office building. he insists on having every phone call on speaker and the walls are *#^*&@*_ thin. Tonight, in addition to having lengthy conversations that I can't seem to drown out (no matter how loud i turn up the volume), HE'S CUTTING HIS NAILS IN THE OFFICE. that noise creeps me out. i seriously need some headphones here...

The road to hell is paved with dead birds.

A moral conundrum this morning...
On my walk to the train station I spotted an injured bird on the sidewalk. It was a tiny bird, the same color as the asphalt, on a very busy sidewalk. I stopped and evaluated the situation:
A- The bird needed to get off the sidewalk so it wouldn't get kicked by an unaware pedestrian.
B- I would need some sort of way to move the bird since I get scared touching birds with my bare hands (not a disease thing, I just freak out when they begin to flutter in your hands).
C- It's bitterly cold out here.
At first I began to use a cigarette carton I found on the sidewalk and tried to get the bird onto the flattened box. It didn't flutter its wings, it didn't try hop away. I then realized it was much more hurt than I originally thought. A bird who can't (at the very least) hop isn't in a good spot. Its tiny breast began to palpate faster and I stopped. I wasn't helping it I was only scaring it. So I modified my plan to get the bird to the side of the sidewalk and somehow obviously mark it so that it could recover and pedestrians wouldn't step on it. I had a wad of unused tissues in my coat pocket so I wrapped the little guy in the tissues and very carefully moved it to the side of the sidewalk, against the side of a building. The tissues would protect it from the wind as well as clearly mark it to passers-by. As I began to go on my way I looked back at it in its little tissue cocoon. That little guy wasn't going to make it.

I saw some bushes about 15 feet ahead. I walked back, delicately picked up the little bird/tissue ball and walked it over the to bushes. I set it down under the bush furthest away from the road. As the tissue ball unwound I saw that it had shat all over the tissues underneath it. Its little chest was vibrating in fear. As I stood up, I saw its tiny glass eyes close in a way that didn't feel normal. I'm not proud of it but I turned and walked away. I didn't want to know if I had killed it or not.

So here's the moral dilemma; I just wanted to help the bird but by moving it I think I scared it to death. Did I help? Its death was swifter and warmer than it might have otherwise been but... I killed it. Do good intentions count for anything?

I ended up going on a hike yesterday. But I didn't get on my way until just about 4pm. Didn't think that through too well because by the time I got to PAcres (where I planned on turning around) it was well past sunset. Even though I was very familiar with the trail, my night vision is awful and I had to shuffled through the woods trying to feel where the trail was. The moon was very nearly full which I was/am thankful for. I found my way out to a road and remembered that there was a bus. I was really fortunate. I caught the last bus that night (the 5:53pm) and got home just fine. If I hadn't gotten on the bus, I would have had another slow, anxious hour of trying to feel my way home through the woods. Amazing what skills we've lost in our modern lives...

I've always hated when ppl quote song lyrics to explain the way they feel. I think it's a cop out. If you feel something intensely, you should find some creative way of expressing it yourself rather than using someone else's art. But I've been guilty of it. Plenty of times. And I'm about to be guilty of it again...

Been mixed up lately. I keep telling myself it's stress, or a chemical imbalance, or homesickness, or excuse #345, etc etc. Truth is, I'm not sure what it is. There's no obvious reason why I should feel this conflicted, this mixed up. But tonight while I was sitting on the couch, listening to music with my headphones on, Modest Mouse told me what it was:
And I claim I’m not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it’s myself.
I keep thinking over and over "I don't like Portland K" meaning that I don't like this version of myself. But that's no one's fault but my own. This period of my life, more than any other period preceding it, is up to me. It's up to me to create the life I want. The problem isn't really lack of self esteem or gumption or external pressures. It's more that I don't have a clear vision of what sort of life I want for myself. Where do I want to be? East? West? What sort of job am I willing to settle for? Is a better design job the solution? Or is any sort of commercial art job going to make me feel the same way? What will make me happier? I keep asking myself that question (esp. on the recent blue days) and I keep drawing a blank. Going after what you want is all well and good, but what if you aren't sure what you want? Should one just make a blind jump on the assumption that any change will be good?

And all the while there's this pesky voice in my head that wonders if it's all for naught. Part of me wonders if I'll ever be happy. Or this really is my disposition. And that I have to accept the fact that no matter where I am in life, I'll always have these bouts. I don't mean this in the consumerist, 'never-be-satisfied-which-what-you-have' sense. I mean it in the sense that perhaps I'm just an unhappy person. Perhaps no matter what, no matter how settled my life is, I'll never feel entirely happy. And whether this is specific to me or this is how every human feels.

Roadtrip

I would kill for the ability to take a roadtrip. I miss driving. I miss traveling. Researched car rental prices today and they're not *too* terrible. But I'm kitten sitting for the weekend so even though I (sort of) have a 3 day weekend, no travel for K.

It's a beautiful (albeit cold) day in Portland. Methinks it's a good day for a short hike in WPark. Perhaps that will satisfy my wondering blues. And I'm going to quit these rambling ways one of these days soon... But not for now.

voleur

ambiance:
historic building with an interior that complimented the exposed brick. a jazz guitarist sits in the corner strumming along on this random tuesday evening. not too many other patrons. we choose a table on the upper level overlooking the guitarist and the bar because it was warmer upstairs. major points for ambiance... cozy, intimate, warm, historic, laid-back. all good things.

the drinks:
rachel has a house-made vodka infusion (cucumber with a splash of lime). she said it was better than good. i just had coffee tonight. the coffee was so-so.

the food:
it started with homemade fries served with blackberry-habanero ketchup (yes, that's right, i said blackberry-habanero ketchup) which was surprisingly good. the sweetness of the blackberry and the hotness of the pepper and all of this tempered by the starchy-ness of the potato. mmmm... my mouth is watering just remembering it.

then an organic salad of spinach & mixed greens, caramelized hazelnuts, strawberries, apples and feta cheese served with a pomegranate vinaigrette. delicious!

for our entrees:
rachel had a balsamic glazed salmon fillet served with seasonal veggies (in this case green beans) and horseradish-dill mashed potatoes. i had smoked mozzarella and salmon 'mac and cheese' with wilted spinach and button mushrooms. rachel's salmon was too fishy, she couldn't eat it. but she said the potatoes were divine. and my meal was fantastic. my only complaint would have been that the ingredients were diced too chunky. each bite ended up being a mouthful of one ingredient, as opposed to a blend (i.e. an entire bite of smoked mozzarella or an entire bite of salmon).

all around, a *fine* meal. and there were so many other entrees i wanted to try! definitely going back sometime. voleur comes highly recommended.