It's official.

I booked my flights for Denver and Philly.

Eleven years ago

When I was 13 I had my portrait taken in dance class. The town's resident crazy artist decided to document the citizens and he was in our dance class one day. In the photograph my body is facing the right but my head is turned and I'm staring directly at the camera. I had my hair in some sort of pig tail thing. My features are young. My face is round. My eyes seem large. But what makes the picture is the look I'm giving the camera. It's so stern. There is almost a flicker of anger behind the eyes. The hair may say 'child' but the eyes say adult.

Today I was cleaning my apartment. I was wearing some sort of fitted tank top thing and my hair pulled back into pig tails. I was picking up something in the bathroom and as I lifted up I caught my reflection in the mirror. It was the exact pose of that portrait taken nearly 11 years ago. I had completely forgotten about that photograph until now.

The hair is longer. The eyes seem more tired. The woman is in an entirely different stage of life. But that flicker of... seriousness. Anger. Something. It's still there.

I wish I had a copy of the photograph to illustrate what I'm talking about. But I have no idea where it is. Probably in a box somewhere in Pennsylvania.

I'm bringing sweaty back.

So I have this thing. Ever since I was a little kid, I've been teased that I sweat too much. I get it from my father. Once when I was in dance class (I must have been about 8 or 9 at the time) my instructor actually told me I looked like a drowned rat in front of the class. It's just something I'm self conscious of and can't really do much about.

Recently I've been doing some sort of physical activity after work. I'll run or go for a bike ride. Granted, I'm no athlete but it feels really good to get reacquainted with my body. And so naturally I've been sweating my brains out. I'm starting to love it. I just put clothes on that are meant to get soaked and allow myself to sweat. It's freeing. I'm reclaiming sweating.

Prediction

Listening to classical music will become hip.
Just you watch.

Love in a Digital Age

So I went on my first internet "blind" date tonight. Not really blind since we met on a social networking/dating site. But still. We didn't know each other. Anywho. It went alright. Which is encouraging. No sparks, no magic, no amazing anything. Just two nervous, average people huddled in the corner of a bistro making small talk. It wasn't bad. We laughed. It wasn't spark-y either. Is this what dating is supposed to be like from now on? *Worried look*

On a similar note:
Anyone could be your brand new love.
I worry about my capacity to love. There are times that I feel like I could fall in love with anyone. I feel like I fall for anyone I get to know well. So which is it? Chicken or egg? Does getting to know someone well inevitably lead to love? Or do you love and therefore get to know intimately?
I guess it's a matter of investment. You love the ones you do because when you first met, there was a glimmer of something. Potential. Even if it was off in the distance. That's why you invest time and emotion in the relationship. There's got to be a glimmer or why would you bother? The question then is, do I see a glimmer in everyone?

Waiting for Godot

Or in my case the UPS delivery person.

I'm waiting for a package of one of my client's (BM) business cards. I used an online printer since the client's budget was next to nothing. I had the package sent to my apartment since I figured it would be unprofessional to have another client's project sent to my HG office. But my apartment building doesn't have an office so one has to be at home to receive a delivery from UPS or FedEx. It's frustrating enough that I can never catch personal packages. It's 10 times more frustrating when it's for a job that's already past deadline.

I've been trying to work on HG stuff while waiting at home but I can't seem to accomplish anything. Every 15 minutes I have to jump up and go for a walk. Then, panicked that I might have missed the UPS delivery I rush home to find that nothing's different. I'm clawing at the walls... I hate waiting.