notice

It's odd how some days are just 'different' than others; you notice entirely different things one day to another. Today all I could see was poverty... It made me feel so ashamed of the human race, of our american apathy, of my own affluence. I drove to an art store for supplies on my own this afternoon. I wasted all that gas just to haul my own ass to one place and back. I saw people waiting at the bus stops. Clusters of people, mostly African American huddling together because of the cold/wind/misty rain. "I should be riding the bus to this shop. There's no reason for me to be driving except for the luxury of convenience. There's even a bus stop right at the parking lot..." I found two dollar bills floating at the bottom of my bag and so on the drive back home I stopped and got a milkshake (just because). On the way home from that I pulled up to an intersection in a poorer section of town. There was an older black man walking around in the middle of the intersection screaming and holding his hand out to the drivers going by. He was asking for money... I felt so terrible. I "got out of myself" and could suddenly feel his total and utter frustration. Most of the time the homeless are more passive. They try to be as unintrusive as they can while still trying to get some change. But I could feel this man's frustration, being passive didn't get him any change. He was angry! Why couldn't anyone help him out?! All he needed was a buck or two to get some fucking food. And the people just kept driving by. He forced his way into their attention and they still said no. So there I was, impulse milkshake in hand, driving alone in my car because I can't be bothered to take the bus and this man was outside in the rain and no one would help him. What did I do? I drove by of course... I don't know what to think anymore... I feel so ashamed. After that intersection I entered the part of Syracuse by the university and all I saw were white college kids walking around in expensive clothes... I am so unbelievably "lucky" to even be here; to be able to go to college. (There's no luck to it at all, I'm white, I was born to a middle class family. I've had countless opportunities that others haven't)